Word of the Day: 顛末

Last night I was overwhelmed with the thoughts of my ex Yuuichirou. I think it was triggered a bit with the AI keyboard because it was spitting out things different than if I put it on the google search engine. It kept on mentioning "help" so I wasn't sure if it was like some sort of spiritual call to duty or something; is he in jail or the hospital and I don't know?

I dreamt my mom was in my closet and stole a dress I was wanting to wear. There was more to the dream, it actually involved a lot of me walking around a downtown to a city of some sort, but when I woke up the only thing I could remember clearly was that my mom stole my dress.

Today, I am going to start fasting. I am no where near my goal weight for this time so I need to step it up. I had a bit of beetroot just to taste, then I made some coffee. Classic Coffeemate seems to just be cream? I am not mad but I thought... Ah I guess there was the powder form in the Cedar Kills. It is probably going to be really hard now, but I sort of did it to myself. I wasted too much time after getting out of Cedar Hills and need to go back to being more disciplined. I can't let stress be an excuse for not doing what I know I can do. The real question isn't if I can lose weight but I can do it in time.

I feel like so many things are jumbled about, probably because Mars is conjunct Jupiter and Mercury is in Leo. Bleh. So much energy and no where to go.

Neville Goddard, I am sorry I don't remember any of your books. I know i read one of them, but I don't remember the title. I also didn't read it front to back. I just read like 1 or 2 chapters. This AI enhanced auto of yours is creepy af. I don't like people who you

I did bother to read the above before writing today but this is an old draft. As I explained before, my current Paper Project is Vocal so that means organizing past stories to the correct format and submitting all my drafts so everything is clean.

I find it interesting.. yea I get ping'd a lot and it is frustrating because I can't do anything. Is that why I am angry right now? no.. I think my human is angry. If I am completely honest. Sometimes my spirit is angry because my higher purpose is constantly denied.

But I know that right now I am just angry because of... well I wouldn't say normal things but, I haven't really stepped into the ether for a long time.

Maybe that is why I went and sought my Djinn again. I don't think it is quite like making a deal with the devil, it is more like making a deal with a volcano or a hurricane.

Several readers said, " You don't know how people view you. " I know there are people who hate me and people who like me, but I am at the point where I am not able to even feel anything other than anger anymore.

Some of it is circumstance, being stuck in this place, of course.

But also because people can never help. They have failed to help always.

And any time I seek actual help, they stop me thinking that is the wrong course of action. Just making things worse.