Word of the Day:疲労困憊

I am letting chatgpt pick these words but they are all really depressing. I am more pissed off so I don't feel like it is accurate. I was actually making progress editing the subtitles, but the Vocal server isn't showing me whether or not they were edited so, I think I have to wait a day or so to see what ones I have done so I am not just doing the same one repeatedly.

Also I am annoyed even thinking of the meeting on Monday.

I am preparing some thing in advance to make that go easier for me but I am annoyed 100%.

I do think I need to run those errands tomorrow just for my sanity. I keep saying I regret not going on that side quest and I still do but it is already night so I have just work to do then sleep.

I think I feel like if I just do as much as I can right now, i will be exhausted enough to sleep soon. But I don't think that is the truth because I did have caffeine today and I didn't really exercise either.

I already ripped up all my mail so I can't destroy anything else.

I don't feel bad, I don't really owe anyone kindness. I rather they know my full distain for them.

It isn't like I wasn't happy at least for a small while today. It is just I am not allowed to indulge enough in it.

I was worried I was going to get sick so I took some Vitamin C supplement.

I also bought some chinese medicine for like colds and... I guess when you're sleep deprived too to help your skin still be better. This grapefruit jelly actually is really tasty...

lol so sour. I like it.

I think I have been alone for too long, and also... most of the guys who I was with have taught me to be even more independent so.. I mean, I have to thank some of them for that. I do have soft moments thinking about the past, and I have soft moments of thinking about possibly a future with someone, but I feel like by the time that happens it is probably not going to be worth it so, it is the best to just live in those memories and know that as long as my mind can keep them alive, they are mine.

Also I don't hate everyone. I actually have a few friends but they live in different countries and we can only hang out on streams and through occasional phone calls.

It is nice but it also creates its own kind of sadness because, that is our limits. This is why I am wanting to get my expungement as soon as possible.

These fucking bastards are wanting me to be happy in a place I will never be happy in. Its been 20+ years and misery for most of them.

And no, it isn't about going away, it is about being with people who I actually care about.

Well... I know I am just being burdened with all the things I can't do right now, I know there are a few things within my power so... I am not completely hopeless at this point. I just am not happy.

I am like eating too much now but... I am not worried because I haven't started the Healthy Wage challenge yet so, if I gain weight, it is ok.

I want to beat something with a stick until it bleeds.

I wanted to watch Fight club but it isn't free on Youtube. I guess I can check Prime. Not free there either.

Now I am just thinking who I'd want to fight..