Wherever I Go

In the grass laid out across the hills that pass by

Amidst the crowd of a million faces

In the rustling leaves on a windy morning

In the warmth of the summer that's bidding goodbye

In the spring that dances in a mix of colors

In the waning moon shines bright outside my window

In the blue sky stood still as a picture

Among the stars that burn all night and day

Why is it that my heart yearns for nothing but you?

As a long awaited tear trickles down my face at the end of the day

As the first ray of sun washes over my face in the morning

Why are my thoughts clouded by you?

Why is it that your absence in the present is spread vast than your presence in the past?

Why is it that with each passing day I realize I yearn for you more than I ever had and more than I ever will?

Why is it that my heart falls short of grief to celebrate you leaving?

Why does it have to end this way?

Why for years to come I believe I would live in pain and longing?

But why in that pain and longing do I choose to suffer?

You were not a moment I could forget,

You were eternity and unto eternity shall I remain loyal to the promises I made, to the memories we had and the fair glimpses I catch of you in my dreams

If happiness lies in the grief you left behind, I choose to soak in it

For even if you were never mine, even if you will never be,

In my heart, shall you belong to me

Is it pathetic or is it artistic?

To be the only one that loved?

To be the one that always gave more?

To be the one that always waits?

To be the one that always stays?

Is it pathetic or is it artistic?

I wish to ask you how you are

How you got through your day

How you walked across the road

How you got on your bus home

How you spent your birthday

But all I can do is hope that it was easy, happy and safe.

I know you had little skirmishes

I know you had rude customers

I know that the car stopped for you to jog across that road

I know you smiled with that little crinkle at the corners of your lips as everyone sang you happy birthday

I know you cut the cake basked in belonging and the warmth of the people who love you

I know you spent your day full of hopes, dreams and content

For every one of those, are what I wish for you, what I pray for you and what I would fight the world for you to have

I am yet well aware that I can never be a part of it

The life you so happily will live.

Well aware that until the last thought of you makes its way across my head as I draw my last breath of this air we share,

I am meant to hope that you are well

I am meant to love you from a distance; this distance I seemingly loathe

This distance you have drawn between us

But I am happy loving you from afar

Watching you live the life you dream of

Achieving everything you have always wanted

Even if it is with someone else by your side,

I choose to love you from this distance

I can never hate you, never move on.

I choose to dwell in this misery of existence as long as your memory serves me well in my mind

I do not hate you. I hate what I have become without you.

An empty shell of hope and desire

A heart full of love to give but you're not there to receive it.

How the gods can be so cruel is not something I question anymore

Because they were kind enough to let you walk across my path in life

Although you were not meant to stay,

The gods were kind enough to give me the chance to love someone like you

This is how it is,

Sometimes reality does settle in

I know these hopes are futile

Yet I choose to go on with them

Fatal it is. Futile it is. But is it as reckless as not being able to surrender my heart to you anymore?

It is what I want. It is what I have always wanted.

A person whom I can love with all my heart.

Guess I was not specific about them loving me back in my prayers

But it is okay now

I shall live in the reality I so carefully create in my beautiful mind

One where a day worth of memories lasts an eternity

One where you can never be unloved by me

You are my sun, my moon and my countless stars

You are everywhere I go...