The First Pancake is Always Lumpy

The stack of papers thunked upon the mahogany desktop. Promiscuous. Like the ocean tides. A laborious incitement of a terminal case of melancholy.

“Stand your ground, Gertrude.” A grey-haired fellow of indeterminate age beckoned to the mountainous pile of papers.

The fluorescent lights hummed above with perpetual laziness. Trudy surveyed the stack of papers with indignation; after all, it was her first day.

“Everyone calls me Trudy.” Trudy caressed the stack of papers like the curvaceous rump of a voluptuous suitor.

Clement La Beau ran his fingers through his grey head of hair. “Nah. I don’t like that. I’ll call you Gertrude.” Clement paused and bit his lip. “ It gladdens me to have you onboard here. Your mother is greatly missed. If you are anything like her, you will be an excellent addition here.” Clement motioned toward the folder resting nearby, “You’ve perused the welcome packet?”

“Indeed I have. Three times through, and another survey still to come.” Trudy pantomimed a smile based on her best estimation of an office drone’s demeanor.

The smile seemed to appease Clement. He nodded and did an about-face, retreating out of her cubicle. Trudy sat in silence for a moment until she could finally summon the fortitude to flip open the folder for which she had earlier insinuated an erudition.

The welcome packet was thick with redundancy. There was nothing in it she needed. Her mother’s legacy had gotten her the job. However, she was here for reasons beyond the need for a paycheck. Trudy felt her morning coffee settle and she got up to seek out a bathroom.

-SCENE OMITTED OUT OF RESPECT TO PRIVACY-

“God loves the trinity.”

Trudy nearly plowed over the small man as she came out of the bathroom. Trudy looked down at the man whose mouth was pointed right at her crotch. “Work’s not a wolf—it won’t run to the woods.” The tiny man lifted his head to meet Trudy’s downward ocular assessment.

Trudy felt an unknown number of universes coalesce, time slowed, the air became thin.

“Give me some time to unpack all that, but...um, thank you?” Trudy shuffled around the minuscule man. She moved swiftly down the hall. The building seemed to wither. Trudy turned back, and the diminutive man tapped his nostril and bowed slightly. “The first pancake is always lumpy.”

Trudy sat at her desk squeezed inside her tiny cubicle. Under the blazing heat of fluorescent bulbs, Trudy felt like a week-old burger patty roasting in the sun. The potent stench of rot emanating from her soul.

She moved a sheet of paper off the top of the stack of papers that Mr. La Beau had placed on her desk. She crumpled the paper into a ball. Trudy tossed it at the wastebasket nearby. The ball of paper hit the rim, ricocheted to the left, and flopped onto the ground. Trudy shook her head ashamed at her faulty aim.

The clock on the wall ticked and ticked and ticked and ticked.

On her desk, Trudy’s cell phone chirped signifying an incoming Facetime call. The display read: Dad. Trudy pressed the accept button.

“How’s work going Trude.” Her dad’s face was nearly pressed against the camera. She could only see his right eye and half his nose.

“You’re too close to the camera.” Her father pulled the phone back so she could see his whole face.

“That's better? So, how’s work? Have they cleaned out your mom’s office? I know she’ll show up. She will. Sometimes people just need to get away for a bit. One day she’ll walk in and act as no time has passed. Actually, she was working late the night she disappeared. Maybe she found one of the hidden tunnels into another person’s mind, you know like that documentary movie about John Malkovich?” As her father rambled on, his face slowly got closer to the camera until it was just his eye again. “Check out how big Bertha is getting.” Her father swung his phone around. A large pear tree came snapped into the frame. “She is really blooming, huh? Hey, did you know pears are part of the rose family? Isn’t that a trip?”

“Very neato Dad. I have to get back to work.”

The phone swung back around in a blur. Her father’s eye filled the screen. “Ok, sweetheart. I know you miss your mom. I do too...very much. She’ll come back. I just know it. Love you.”

Trudy put the phone in her purse, as she dabbed a tear from her eye with the sleeve of her sweater.

The clock ticked.

The stack of papers had greatly diminished. Trudy rubbed her eyes. Several clumps of paper sat scattered on the ground near the wastebasket, a testament to Trudy’s lack of accuracy. The employees around Trudy began packing up their belongings as the clock neared 5 pm.

Trudy waited.

The clock ticked.

The clock finally struck 5:00 pm and the lights clicked off. The building fell silent. Trudy climbed under her desk and curled into a fetal position to await the setting of the sun.

--

It was dusk. The lake water loomed like glass for miles. A purple haze from the setting sun reflected off the lake's surface.

Trudy’s mom skipped a rock across the lake. It bounced twelve times then vanished into the stillness of the water. “What are you looking for kiddo?” Trudy’s mom reached for another rock.

Trudy tried to run to her mom, but her legs wouldn’t move. The sand beneath her had turned to quicksand. She was sunk to her waist in the gooey confines of the earth. Trudy reached her arms out towards her mother. “Don’t let me sink.”

Trudy’s mom bit into the rock in her hand. Bits of teeth rained down onto the dirt. Turning towards Trudy, her mother smiled. Blood poured out of her mouth through jagged bits of teeth and spilled down her chest. “God loves the trinity.” Her mother lisped through shattered teeth.

--

Trudy awoke furiously, banging her head on the underside of her desk. A little gentle rubbing seemed to null the throbbing of her head.

The building was an endless void of darkness.

She waited a few moments for her eyes to adjust and then made her way out of her cubicle. The darkness didn’t mind that Trudy was crying. Regardless, she felt ashamed, alone, and afraid as she roamed the fuliginous gloom of endless cubicles and offices.

Trudy felt along the wall and found a light switch. She flicked it up and it drenched the room in light, blinding Trudy momentarily. Trudy heard a chewing noise nearby.

Her eyes slowly adjusted to reveal a stocky bald man sitting at a round table passionately chewing on a fish head. The fish's mouth was agape and its dead eyes were staring right at her. He finished his bite. As he put the fish head down on a plate he wiped his mouth with a paper towel.

“So many complaints when I microwave my fish heads. The peaceful darkness of the after-hours is the only time I can enjoy my meal. Care for a bite?” The man raised the fish head towards Trudy in a gesture of offering.

“No, thank you. I just ate.” Trudy tried to muster up a smile, but it was painfully inadequate. “Would you like me to leave the light on?”

“Go ahead and flick it off. I prefer the dark.” The man picked up the fish head and started tearing into it. Juices spurted from the bald man’s mouth onto the table as Trudy flipped the light switch off.

A burning smell permeated through the hall. Trudy ducked into a cubicle nearby when she heard footsteps approaching. A dark figure passed by her hiding spot, and she quietly followed a safe distance behind. The figure stopped. Trudy ducked into another cubicle. Shortly, the footsteps started again.

Peaking out from the cubicle, Trudy watched the figure continue down the hall. She followed. The figure slowed and turned to its right. Trudy laid down flat onto the carpeted hallway. The figure fiddled with the door lock and then disappeared. The door clicked shut. Trudy approached the door slowly.

She tried the handle. Alas, it was locked. Behind the door, she heard a clapping sound.

Slowly the burning smell dissipated.

The clock on the wall behind Trudy ticked.

Trudy waited and wondered what could be behind the door.

The clock ticked.

The door lock finally clicked and then slowly creaked open. A figure emerged and turned towards where Trudy laid. She rolled to her left slowly as the figure started towards her. Trudy’s body stiffened and she closed her eyes. The burning stench built and then vanished. After a short time, the sound of footsteps quieted.

Trudy waited a few seconds and then slowly stood up. She made her way to the door the figure had entered. She checked the handle, knowing it would be locked. She pulled the lock pick from her pocket. Her uncle was a locksmith and she had apprenticed with him for several summers. “How convenient,” she thought to herself.

After a few seconds, the lock clicked open and she stepped inside the room. Her uncle would be proud.

There were no windows in the room. Trudy imagined that even the deep recesses of space could not be darker than this room. Fumbling along the wall Trudy searched for a light switch. There was no switch. “The search continues.” Trudy covered her mouth, caught off guard by the sound of her own voice.

A synapse in Trudy’s brain fired and she had a sudden idea. There was hesitation in her, but she figured it was worth a shot. Trudy clapped her hands. Light burst forth from a fluorescent bulb like a fireball.

Three naked women hung from the ceiling by chains in front of her. Their wrist bled. Two of the women had bellies, which implied they were bearing a child. Trudy covered her mouth in shock. Her mother hung to her right, and she slowly raised her head and smiled. “Trudy. You look magnificent.”

Trudy approached her mother. She surveyed the lock on the chains. “Not a problem.” Trudy smiled as she withdrew the lock pick from her back pocket.

Trudy worked the lock with her lock pick. She caught her mom in her arms as she collapsed from the chains.

“So good to see you, my love.” Trudy’s mom smiled at her but then grimaced. Trudy slung her mother over her shoulder and turned to the door.

As Trudy turned, she came face to face with Mr. Clement La Beau.

“Gertrude. How nice to see you.” Mr. La Beau took a step forward. Trudy took a step back. “No reason to be afraid. Your mother is in no danger. I love her deeply.”

“Stay back you sicko.” Trudy took another step back.

“These offspring will bring me eternal life. Their flesh will feed me. They are the chosen. Together we will rule together.” Clement reached his hand towards Trudy, “Join us. ”

Trudy reached back to her waistband. She pulled the revolver and took aim. “Here’s your welcome packet...to hell.” Trudy pulled the trigger until the chambers were all empty.

“Gray hair in a beard, devil in ribs.” Trudy spat onto what was left of Mr. La Beau’s face.

As she carried her mother out of the office, Trudy clapped her hands and the room went dark.