Against My Better Judgment: Do I Have ADD?

One day a few months ago, I told Mrs. Judgment that I would be going upstairs to clean our room. Six hours later, Mrs. Judgment grew concerned and came looking for me. When she arrived upstairs, she did not find a spotless room. Quite the opposite. She found me sitting on the bed typing away on my computer, most likely making my 100th budgeting spreadsheet, everything that was once on the closet floor had been moved to the bathroom floor, and papers that were once in my desk drawer were strewn all over the floor. Mrs. Judgment looked at me the way she sometimes does — with a combination of affection, concern, and the quiet patience of a woman who has seen this before. “Babe,” she said calmly, “I think you might have ADD.”

When Mrs. Judgment made this statement, I was shocked. “There is no way I have ADD.” My profession requires an analytical examination of the available evidence, so I laid out the evidence in my mind as I have been trained. I have always earned good grades, completed seven years of university, and obtained a graduate degree. “People I know with ADD struggled in school growing up,” I thought to myself. Case Closed! But then it hit me. I remembered all the times I struggled in university to sit through an entire class. Maybe the case wasn’t as clear cut as I thought. This called for more investigation.

I considered all of the evidence against me. I drive people nuts when I lose focus mid conversation. One time, for example, I was driving with my brother having a conversation when I saw a horse and suddenly exclaimed “horse,” but never went back to the original conversation. Then there was the jumping from project to project without finishing. For example, I currently have five “side hustles” started but can’t focus on any of them exclusively. I am constantly pacing, which Mrs. Judgment has learned to ignore I believe. On the flip side, I sometimes get hyper focused on an activity and that is all I can think about. This has included sports wagering, investing, certain movies, politics, traveling, bad television shows, whisky, dieting, flipping, . . . . The subjects I have hyper-focused on are as numerous as the stars in the sky. I might have been wrong. I might have ADD after all.

I decided to bring my suspicions up at a family gathering to clarify. I found the right moment to bring it up. “Mrs. Judgment thinks I have ADD.” The response was swift and immediate, “Uh….yeah,” said my sister-in-law almost immediately. Turns out my brother has been diagnosed with ADD and is taking medication, and we act similar in a lot of ways. My siblings regaled the rest of the guests with stories about me acting ADD-esque. I do not remember the stories right now, probably because of ADD. This conversation, dear friend, led me to the point that I had to research some actual facts about ADD.

I immediately took out my phone and entered “symptoms of ADD” into the browser, hoping for some epiphany as to what was up with me. But I noticed my brother’s dogs acting cute and decided to go play with them. After a while, I remembered my research, but then it was cocktail hour, then a football game was on, and then it was time to go. Frankly, dear friend, I never got back to the research. I think I’ll pick up this project after I finish the other five.

No matter how many possible examples of ADD I now see in my life, I can’t get past the fact that I was able to complete graduate school as a counter-argument to me having ADD. All joking aside, I did look this up to see what it meant. The answers were genuinely fascinating. ADD doesn't mean you can't focus — it means you can't control what you focus on. Moreover, academic success is entirely possible with ADD, especially when the subject is genuinely interesting. In fact, high-achieving adults with ADD often develop coping mechanisms without ever realizing it. The skills that got you through university, namely, hyper-focus, last minute intensity, pattern recognition, are all classic ADD traits working in your favor. These all seem to be plausible explanations.

So do I have ADD? The truth is I have no clue. I have not gone to my doctor to be formally diagnosed. I am not sure I want to be. I recognize areas that may be considered ADD, but I have also been able to cope with these issues and achieve most everything I have set out to achieve. On the other hand, dear friend, imagine what I can achieve with Adderall!

Today, I find myself upstairs again, this time to put away laundry, which has ended up piled on my desk chair while I sit here in bed thinking about all the other things I need to do. Ironically, however, I have been able to finish this essay about not being able to finish tasks.