Hero's Journey

The day started like any other, wake up, roll off my futon, turn on the lights, which would scare the cockroaches back into their hiding places. I did this so I didn’t have to see them but boy did I know they were there. I took my minimal shower and got dressed in my waitress uniform. I know what you’re thinking this is going to be another wondered eye girl leaves suburban home to move to the big city with big dreams of fame and riches only to land on her butt in the food serving industry. Well then again, you would be half right only on the part about on my butt in the food service industry yet no I didn’t come to the city on flights of fancy. I came on the wings of getting out of the system and leaving the vultures that claim they love you but only notice you on the day of the month you get your check and food stamps. Not my life anymore, no way! I might only make peanuts but those peanuts are mine. Anyway, I just got my new found freedom a little under a month ago when I aged out. So, my little cockroach infested apartment was my castle though I would be eating sparsely like a college freshman budget for a while. It was heaven sent, to have a space I didn’t have to share with anyone. Probably now you’re thinking I have some sob story about parents dying tragically or drug addicts who traded me for some blow… those would be better than the fact I was just abandoned at the hospital. I have to chronically tell myself good ridden, they didn’t leave me I left them. After letting my mind meander over my past and I poured a bowl of knock off Cinnamon Toast Crunch. God, how I wished it was the name brand cause it tastes better and the cartoon character is cuter but it fills the tank so down the hatch. That was when there was a firm commanding knock at my door. It was too early for my neighbors who fought through the paper-thin walls. I didn’t think it was the manager cause I know I was paid through the end of the month. As I sat there contemplating who on earth was at the door, my brain kicked me into gear saying ‘all well answer it you buffoon’. I carefully stood on my tiptoes trying to peek through the eye hole thingy only to see strapping chest in blue. Ladies don’t always open a door for a yummy chest but anyway I opened the door and was greeted by three marines in their military uniforms. The one with the chiseled chest stained at me with his deep ocean blue eyes, Miss Williams?

“Yes...

that is me” I stuttered awkwardly as his firm yet soothing tone wrapped around

my brain.

“Sorry for

your loss. It took us a while to find you, but this belongs to you in honor of

the commander who saved many lives and gave his life in the ultimate sacrifice,

at his words the two men behind him saluted as he handed me an honor flag, and on

top of it sat a small black moleskin notebook. I only knew the type because the

sticker though faded and I do believe burned was still recognizable.

“Umm gentleman, I think you got the wrong girl, I don’t have any parents. I was

abandoned at birth.”

“Mam we spent a good three years trying to find you. We are dead to rites sure that you

are the commander’s daughter so we wish you accept this hero and beg that come to his service this weekend. Where the many men and women can come and express their gratitude for the things your father did.”

“I am sorry that man as you call him means nothing to me even if he was my father. He was

nothing but a heartless sperm doner so you can keep his flag and anything else

I want absolutely nothing to do with him.”

The three marines flinched and looked like I just slapped them in their faces. The two in

the back locked like they wanted to strangle me. The one in the front simply

raised one gloved hand and smiled, “the commander thought you would feel this

way that’s why I simply request you read his notebook to find out his side if

you do and still feel this way when I try to come pick you up on Friday to take

you to the service you can tell me to shove it or throw them away but at least

they are yours until Friday have a nice day. They synchronized a salute did an

about face and marched away. I stood there gawking in the hallway like a true

space cadet until I realized shit, I missed my bus and I am going to be late

for my shift. Even in death my father was an ass hole. Threw his flag and black

notebook onto the broken hole stain covered, yet completely comfortable, couch.

Hoofing it the thirteen blocks to work. I was a half hour late when I arrived

due to the fact, I missed my buss. After thoroughly getting my ass chewed out,

I was told to go home and that I was fired. Why does when it rains it pours, I

shouted up into the sky only to have it answer me with a torrential down pour.

Finally made it back to the apartment to have the manager yell about getting

his carpeting wet and muddy. I trodden to my apartment flung myself onto my

mattress and screamed into the small pile of towels that I use as a pillow. It

had taken me months to get that job, took me years to save enough for this

apartment this chance. Why, why can one person who never once was in your life

can absolutely nuke everything? With that one question a can of worms was

opened and hundreds of more questions began to wriggle and crawl through my

brain. Though they may be answered in that black notebook at the same time it

taunted and offended me. I kept pacing picked it up, threw it back onto the

couch, insulted it, and tried to intimidate it but that black notebook made me

dance like a puppet in its hands, till I gave in to its dark abyss power. I

just had to find out the truth was I loved? Did I have family those secrets

where in those stained faded burnt pages and though I knew I might hate the

answers they still needed to be unleashed.

“If I read you, you shall taunt me no more, you’re a crass beaten object.” I told the

notebook ok the thought of maybe finding the truth about having a family well

even a dead family is making you a psycho. So, let’s slow down let’s not do

this today. I walked away and spent the rest of the day trying to find a new

job with sporadic glances at that stupid notebook. A few slur inappropriate

comments about its mother. God this power it holds is driving me insane so I push

my chair out walk over to the notebook and throw it in the garbage can.

“Ha see you have no power here. I make my own destiny.” I shouted at the notebook

“Can you and your own destiny shut the hell up some of us are trying to sleep. It was

then I realized the time it was already two thirty in the morning I have been

fighting with this all night. I laid down to get some shut eye.

Restless night and the sounds of the city waking me up with a non-alcoholic pounding

headache cause my head and my heart have been having it out over that stupid

notebook. That’s it I can’t take it anymore, as I massage my temples I sat down

with a cup of coffee and decided to rip the old band aid off.

With that I dug the notebook out of the trash opened the first page and began

‘To my darling child I don’t know your gender or your age but I hope this book will

find you, all I can do is pray it finds you healthy and happy. I know it will

find you confused angry and royally pissed off.’

“Man my dad was a dam psychic.”

‘Yet, I do hope it finds you with a sound mind and an open heart, because I am sure I was painted over the years as a heartless bastard and in my youth it may have been true, but through my life’s journey I hopefully grew a little seed of wisdom, that I wish to pass to you. Granted I wish I could have done it the normal way, but that just wasn’t in the cards for me.’

“What a wind bag.”

‘Anyway we will start with my youth where your grand pa’s belt and drunken stupor created a young little asshole who thought the world owed him everything. I would cut class to drink from what I stolen from my dad’s liquor cabinet, graffiti the towns water tower. Not saying I am proud but trying to paint a picture of who I was. Your mother, on the hand, was the most gorgeous woman I ever met and was from a firm straight laced religious family that wound her up so tight that she would have snapped if she didn’t find and date the local bad boy to help ease the tension.’

“God if he goes into detail about my conception I am going to hurl.”

‘Don’t worry I will spare you the details.’

“Oh thank god”

‘Anyway she found herself pregnant and we both agreed we weren’t ready to be parents we were not even sure we were going to be a forever couple. Cause her parents wanted her to start dating the preacher’s son. We kept you our secret as long as we could and the night her parents found out I became the devil and she became the town whore. Her father put a gun on me and told me to disappear from his daughter or he would do it for me.. I walked home dejected and ashamed but thinking the worse was over… boy howdy was I wrong her father apparently talked to my father in the telephone and after I got the worse beating of my life... the next morning I was pulled out of bed by my hair and was dragged away by MPs that’s right my father signed me away to the marines and as they were dragging me away he told me I was no son of his and to never come back to his house. Needless to say my forced term was four years... those four years ironed my resolve to make me a man worthy of your mother and you and that’s how I survived. Every scent I earned was saved instead of drinking and whoring, nothing else mattered but to go home and do right. But to be perfectly honest in the beginning like most cadets forced into service I rebelled and pushed limits. Here is where I want you to take the first lesson from me, sometimes the right path is the one forced upon us.’

“What is he a fortune cookie”

I decided to stop there, make a few calls set up a few interviews for the end of the week.

So, he was just a useless person just like I was in school. Like when my case worker would show up for parent teacher conferences or parent’s day and I would lie and try to make up excuses like my parents were spy’s or away with foreign government diplomats. It was not cause I was ashamed of my case worker or anything no in fact I loved her and I hope she loved me even all the times I ran away or did things to get kicked out of my placements. Thinking about it now, I guess I got my wild side from my dad. Against all my effort a small smile worked its way onto my lips. Then the notebook becomes me with its siren call, I had to read more there were more questions that needed to be answered.

So, I began again.

‘Right now, you’re probably beginning to get some of your questions answered but the biggest one that needs to be known has the simplest answer yes you were wanted and loved by me even though I never got to know you. Which probably brings in the anger, well where the hell was I? Cause my previous entry should have had my arms wrapped around you tucking you in at night when you were four. And you would be absolutely correct. That is if things went as plan… now I am not going to make excuses or hide but what happened next was when I returned to my home town to find your mother. It turned out that she married and had two children from the pastor’s son who was now the pastor. When I found out about that the dream of a wife was shattered but not the dream of meeting you holding you in my arms. So, I walked up to her and asked which one of the young ones was mine which she slapped me and told me to go away cause my devil seed was dead. After she slammed the door in my face, I stood there in a dumb trance I came back day after day trying to find out what happened day, every day was removed by police escort. On the fifth day, the young preacher came out to me through a check for 20,000 at my feet and spit at me and in the most vile tone said “for the life of your bastard child.” I will admit I lost my sanity and I know it was wrong but I hit that foul mouth charlatan with everything I had. Then fell to my knees and held onto that check as if it was you. As SpongeBob square pants once said I entered a spiraling depression where I found myself in the bottom of countless bottles and countless fights. I wanted to join you in an early shallow grave, you were my reason to live for so long. And if it wasn’t for my drill sergeant who bailed me out, I would have gotten my wish which leads to my next two lessons the first is angels are among us. They just don’t always look how we expect them too nor do they give us the exact result we want. And secondly things sometimes need to go wrong to come out right. ‘

I looked up from those pages as my eyes dropped a steady stream of tears, as I learned that my father did want me, but just didn’t know I was still alive. I rubbed my eyes and realized it was time for bed. This night I dreamed that my mother didn’t lie and the life I would have lived with him. I was so angry, how could she? Why? And she had other children? That horrible witch. After my little tantrum, I settled back down into a deep rem sleep. So deep, so relaxing, I slept through my alarm and missed my interview. When I was about to panic, my fathers words echoed in my head, “sometimes things have to go wrong to go right.” Those words gave me a sense of peace. So, I went back to reading the notebook and finding out more about my father.

‘So now you know the answers to the two biggest questions, if you were loved and most of the why I wasn’t there, but the tale is only Galway told. After Mr. drill sergeant sobered me up, he gave me advice about how in the marines, each one I helped each one I trained I could pretend to be you my child and I could raise and protect each one as if they were you. With that new motivation that new goal I went back to the military returning to the battlefield saving anyone I could friend or foe I saw your face your fears. After all they were all someone’s child and to me that check that stupid preacher told me was for your life stayed in my breast pocket over my heart every day as if it was you. It was like your heart calling me saving me keeping me moving forward even when I was a prisoner of war that check my child was you and as long as I had it no one could do anything to me. So, I saved and trained countless men and women to be soldiers countless men and women life lessons as if they were you. But no matter what no one or nothing could take the place of that check cause that check soon as you my child and so it could never be spent or replaced. And I made sure to brag and show you off to any and all. Then a few years later I got a letter from your mother. She had seen on tv how many soldiers were coming home because of me and decided maybe I wasn’t as evil as she had thought nor as useless as her parents made me out to be. And I was worthy enough to learn the truth. As it turns out that her family and friends convinced her that I was such scum, I would never do anything with my life I would end up in the gutter and she would join me if she had the baby, had you. So, she carried you to term cause her religion dictated it then her parents drove her four counties over and left you at the hospital and when they returned, forced her to tell everyone else that she had a still born and so she had to make that the truth cause she didn’t want to be known as the town whore who just slept around. She had her pride too after all, but after these many years of this guilt and the abuse of her preacher husband she decided to take her own life after writing me this letter. From then I started the search to find you sinking every penny besides the check that was you, in the attempt to finally reunite. This is where I will end with the third lesson not all of us are blessed with a second chance but god saw fit to let me have one to find you.’

That was the final entry in my father’s notebook.

“No” I screamed that can’t be it. If he tried so hard to find me this absolutely can’t be it.

“You tricked me! You dam book, you roped me in with lies for answers.”

There was a knock on the door, I was still yelling cussing at the notebook for not bringing me my father. What the hell happened?

I answered the door to find the marine who brought me this cursed book.

“You know you cuss just like your father.” He said with a knee melting smile.

The comment turned my blush scale up to eleven, I was probably more red then a tomato, he just smiled and walked in.

Rubbing the back of his head awkwardly he stutters,

“You probably want the final piece of why your dad didn’t come and sweep you off your feet. Well” he looked very nervous and began rubbing his head harder. “He died a hero, pushing me and the other two you saw off and away from an ied. He shielded the blast with his body. His last words were a smile and we were his sons. Your father sacrificed his last few years with you for me and those two other marines who brought his flag and notebook to you. That’s why we three were here instead of your father we finished his search to find you. So please come with me to meet him at his grave.

Against a storm of mixed emotions, I let the marine take me. On the way he told me stories and his interactions with my father all the way there.

When we arrived, it was like a huge party and there was a procession where sabers were drawn I had to walk through to a throne like chair covered in roses. “Umm this isn’t a funeral…” I stuttered in confusion, no the marine who brought me said “this is where all your siblings get to meet and honor the sacrifice of the commander father to us all. Whether he saved our life physically or helped us emotionally.” That when I noticed almost everyone there had a resin pendant with a piece of the check my father talked about in his notebook. Everyone came one by one to thank me and shake my hand or told me if I ever needed anything. And lastly the marine who brought me kneeling presented me a check for 20,000 and said this is for the time you missed with him. I took the check slid it in the notebook and went to all my new family to learn about my past. And when it was all said and done I stood by my father’s grave smiling and told him dad there is a lesson you should have put in here, but don’t worry I will do it for you. ‘And that lesson is the chapter of your story may have ended but you will forever be in the stories of all those you touched so I will go on and add more chapters and lessons because you gave me the greatest gift and it is all through this black moleskin notebook.’

“Yes... that is me” I stuttered awkwardly as his firm yet soothing tone wrapped around my brain.

“Sorry for your loss. It took us a while to find you, but this belongs to you in honor of the commander who saved many lives and gave his life in the ultimate sacrifice, at his words the two men behind him saluted as he handed me an honor flag, and on top of it sat a small black moleskin notebook. I only knew the type because the sticker though faded and I do believe burned was still recognizable.