How to Handle Someone Who Makes Offensive Remarks about Something You are Passionate About

You are sitting there having a nice conversation with someone when all of a sudden they start slamming the very thing you are passionate about…Whether it’s your favorite baseball team or a spinning class you just joined, the remarks sting.

And the thing is, they are trying to get to you. Because for the past few weeks you have been talking all the time about your favorite pastime. So, what gives?

Why Would Someone Criticize What You are Passionate About?

Plain and Simple…they are jealous. I found this Reddit thread both sad and disturbing. A young woman lamented that her dad often criticized her hobbies. At one point, when she was learning to play a musical instrument (age 12), he chastised her for it in front of other family members.

One user responded brilliantly:

“Most people compensate for their frustration over their own failures with envy and resentment. These are often impulsive personalities who themselves struggle with lower self-esteem due to traumatic childhood experiences. Unfortunately, they haven't (yet) managed to escape this cycle and pass it on to the next generation..”

So, basically, this father was jealous of his own daughter? I wouldn’t go that far. I think he was envious of the fact that his daughter enjoyed many more opportunities than he did as a child.

Maybe at 12 years old, the father was forced to work after school, or his family didn’t have the money to pay for a musical instrument.

Regardless, whatever trauma he experienced as a child should never impact how he treats his own children. I think the Redditor gets that. Still, her pain is very apparent.

Would it do any good if she broached the subject with her dad now that she is an adult? Probably not.

But when should you confront someone who makes fun of something you love to do?

In this Pscychology Today article, Dr. Leon Seltzer advises that you first think about whether confronting this person would help them or you.

“The main reason we confront others is that we’re too afraid to confront ourselves. But the growth and change we really want and need comes much more from self-confrontation than from confronting the person we’re having problems with.”

I get what he is saying. If we are secure in our choices and our passions, no one should be able to make us feel bad about our love for baseball or knitting, or whatever it is we like to do!

I love to walk. I walk four to five miles a day. My friend lifts weights. One time when we spoke, she made a remark that stung. She said, “When I walk I am going somewhere. I don’t just wander around.”

It made me feel bad. That somehow walking isn’t really exercise and that I am wasting my time doing it. That’s probably not what she meant. Nonetheless it made me feel like I need to spend my free time doing something more purposeful. When walking clears my head and I really do enjoy it.

I said nothing. I could have responded with something like, “Well, at least I don’t have all those injuries like you do!” But I wouldn’t say that, because what is the point? Would it make me feel better momentarily? Probably not. Will I stop walking? Absolutley not. Because I stroll for myself, not anyone else.

I just finished the memoir, “Strangers” and was struck by the fact that the author had planned on studying creative writing in college. But one negative comment from a classmate in her first high level writing class made her rethink her entire future, and she became a lawyer instead.

Just a reminder: Never ever allow anyone’s comments to change your choices or your direction. Never.