The Friendship Audit
THE RELATIONSHIPS THAT DRAIN YOU
At thirty-one years old I had approximately fifteen people I called friends including four I considered close friends, and I was exhausted, anxious, frequently frustrated, and constantly feeling like I was not measuring up to some standard that seemed effortlessly achieved by everyone around me, and I attributed this persistent malaise to work stress, aging, or some personal deficiency that I could not quite identify, never considering that the source of my deteriorating mental health might not be internal at all but might instead be the very relationships I was investing my limited emotional resources in, relationships that I maintained out of history and obligation rather than because they actually nourished me. The friendship audit began when my therapist asked me a question that I initially found offensive but that ultimately changed my life: "How do you feel after spending time with each of your friends?" and she asked me to rate each friendship on a simple scale of whether I generally felt energized or drained after interactions, and my honest answers revealed a pattern I had been avoiding: of my fifteen friends, only four consistently left me feeling better than before we interacted, while the remaining eleven either had no effect or actively depleted my energy, mood, and self-esteem through criticism, competition, negativity, or the emotional labor of managing their constant crises.
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.