Secrets

Dear Mom
Dear Mom, Over the years I struggled to say those three words to you. Our family is not like any other, I know that. We don't hug, we don't tell each other how we feel and if we fight we forget it ever happens. And when dad passed, my only regret was that I didn't say those three words to him when my gut was telling me to do so. Not only do I blame myself but I blame you. You never showed me how to be affectionate, how to love, or even how to say it. I learned the hard way when I fell in love for the first time at fourteen years old. I poured my heart and soul trying to get him to love me back, but I realized now that there was one thing I never did. I never told him I loved him and even now I can't tell him I love him. All I needed to say was I love you. How hard is it to say? I ask you because you make it seem like it is a hard thing to say to people you love. Do you even love me? Do you love my brothers and sisters? Did you even love our dad? You moved on fairly quickly after her passed so it makes me wonder if your love was ever true. As a kid you never wanted to hear anything I had to say. Well, what if I wanted to tell you that I love you or I wanted a hug? You pushed me away and sent me to my room, now you wonder why I find love in all the wrong places. You wonder what happened to sweet and happy six year old you once had. What happened? You pushed me away and critized every thing I admired and wanted to do. You pushed until I became everything you told me to be. Quiet, alone, and stuck in a small room crying myself to sleep. And now as an adult, I'm still quiet, I'm stuck in a small apartment, but not alone. I'm a mother now and you hate the fact that I am showing my child love, compassion, and free to express his emotions. I tell him I love him more than you ever told me. I tell him every night, every morning, and even out of the blue and he does the same. I don't push him away and here he is; loud, socializing, not stuck in a room. Sometimes he is quiet, but never alone in that quietness. I'm right there by his side and telling him how proud I am of him. He's only 10 and has an imagination like I did. His dreams matter to me, when mine didn't matter to you. It took you 22 years to tell me to follow my dreams, it took you that many years to tell me that you were proud of me. You are only proud because of my only accomplishment, my child. Although I have my brothers,sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, my son, and even dad tell me they love me; I never heard them from the two people I loved who pushed me away. My best friend Ryan, who I fell in love with and my mother. I moved on from Ryan and I am now with a man who loves me completely even with my traits that you think of as my flaws. I only want to hear those three words from you because in the end, I love you. And that is the one confession you never knew about me.
By Rae Rachal4 years ago in Confessions
The Unknown Mystery
Dear Mom, Do you remember that time you told me your car had been scratched up? You said it was a “hit and run”. You were right but I’m the one that hit and ran. Before I continue, if it makes you feel any better, I promise I didn’t keep you alone in the dark, I left everyone there, I think even myself for a little while.
By Madison Baigent4 years ago in Confessions
Dearest Mother
Dearest Mother, I hope this letter reaches you before its too late. Before you make a final decision that will alter our lives forever. I sit here with my laptop open and struggle to find the best words to use when I tell you this. I worry that maybe your view of me will change drastically when I admit this. Well, here goes nothing. Id like you to think back to that fateful night just 5 years ago, the one that changed our lives and ruined what little relationship we had left. That night when everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong. It was late summer and you were relaxing in the conservatory, you'd had a long day at work and just wanted five minutes of peace before you had to deal with the prospect of tomorrow. You had a cool glass of lemonade in one hand and a book in the other. I cant even remember what book you were reading, it was a romance novel wasn't it? You loved to read those, you loved to see happy relationships play out on the pages before you since the disaster that was your marriage to dad. I don't blame you, I've picked up that old habit now as well. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I think it was just past 7pm when I came running into the house screaming for help. You dropped the glass and book in unison as you heard my scream and came running to see what was wrong. I remember that look in your eyes when you saw all that blood. I remember you asking if I was hurt. I remember the panic in your voice when you asked me whose it was if its not my blood. I remember your steps faltering as I told you it wasn't important and that I just needed help. You reached for the landline to call for help and I stopped you. Do you remember what I said to you? I begged you not to call the police, I pleaded with you as they wouldn't understand. You grabbed me a wash cloth and lead me to the downstairs bathroom as I explained to you what had happened. I told you id stumbled across a body in the woods behind our house. I told you how mangled and unrecognisable the body was. Id been playing in the woods with a couple of my friends, just climbing trees and choosing one that we could make a treehouse in. You'd bought us some wood to start off with and tonight we'd finally got the foundations in place. Once I was cleaner you asked me to elaborate. I told you what I had seen, there was a man in those woods that night. He didn't look human. He had grabbed one of the teens we had been playing with. I hadn't even asked the boy his name before he was taken from us. All I did know was he had moved into one of the empty houses on the next street and my friend had invited him out with us, he was 15 the same as us and he seemed to be very helpful with the treehouse.
By CosmicAngel4 years ago in Confessions
I'd Like to Share
Dear Mum, We haven't always had the best relationship. It's turbulent, the tides moving with your moods. I suppose, because of that, I have never really felt safe telling you any of my secrets, despite you begging that I share things with you; I'll never know whether you will react like my image of a mother would, or whether I'll be faced with a sudden gush of fury and vitriol.
By Luna Ali4 years ago in Confessions
"F" is for Failure
Hey mum, I never told you this but I failed a course in College on purpose. It was the first time I ever failed something, like getting the big "F" on your report card kind of failed. I was always a very high achieving student all through elementary into high school, but when I went to College it changed me. Not in the way of being a "dropout" but in the way of I hated my first year of College. I remember the night I told you I didn't want to go to school right away after high school, and you lost it on me. You were so angry and said "well you can't stay here" and for the first time I thought "wow! am I getting kicked out?!"
By The Unlocal 4 years ago in Confessions
My Deep Confession
To Mother Dearest. Before I say what I wanna say. I just want you to know how much I love you. And I don’t question who you are as my mother. Please don’t take what I’m about to say to heart. It’s not a reflection on you. I’m about to let you in on my life a little bit more.
By Kayla Smolenaers4 years ago in Confessions
Dark secrets of love
Dearest mother I've never had to confess this to you but I will say it now. In all my past relationships with guys I have so yearned for the love you share with dad that maybe I was so desperate to try and find someone like that too, only to be tossed into the dark hearts of men that torment me to this day. All the memories, the words, the trauma, the screams and cries, it all torments me even to this day. They all tell me I am not good enough, I will never amount to anything and that even though my personality was nice, I was physically unattractive and they found someone who meets their physical requirements of having fair skin and eyes other than brown.
By Tania Prestidge4 years ago in Confessions
Dear Mom
Dear mom, We’ve always been opened together. You’ve taught me everything. How to be strong. How to be independent. How to let loose and have fun. We could shop till the mall closed. Laugh until our bellies ached. But for us being so close…you hid so well.
By Kalista Tamborski4 years ago in Confessions
Mother's Day Confessions
Mother's Day Confessions Many see it as a day to honor, give back, thank and love mothers. Dear Lord, bless every mother and every grandmother with your best other world gifts on Mother's Day. We thank God that every parent is the divine steward of all their youth and nurtures them in the ways of the Lord. We believe that every parent has a relationship with God. I adore you in spirit and in truth.
By THOMAS ABRAHAM P4 years ago in Confessions
True Confessions
Hey Mom, I never told you this before but there is something I have wanted to tell you for years and tonight it is too hard to hold in. I am not sure I will ever have the courage to give you this letter, but all the same at least I will have written it. From the moment I saw you and Dad get married, I knew I wanted that. I wanted a man to share my life with who would love me and look at me as if I was his everything. That was the dawning of my biggest dream in life. Later that expanded to include a house and kids. Now you know that as a single mom, I have managed to attain 1 out of 3 of those things. What you don't know are the daily struggles with simple life that I continue to have, from the moment I got pregnant with Samuel and being a teen mom, I have faced many things in life. But there is one thing that has remained the same for the past 16 years and with my birthday in a few days, I realize I am still struggling with this. There are so many nights when I have gone to bed with an empty stomach and hunger pains that through 16 years, my body became tolerant of, ignorant of and recently revealed itself as an eating disorder I have had for 16 years. I should make clear, your grandkids NEVER go to bed hungry but the same cannot and has not been able to be said about your daughter. I am always struggling with finances, even keeping my bills as low as possible. But tonight when I put the kids to bed, I came down and for about the billionth time made a pasta dish for dinner, wishing it was anything else and then the tears began to fall. In a few days, I will be 32 and though I am actually ok that I may not ever meet someone to share my life with, I at least always thought by the time I hit 32 I would have my own house and be able to afford enough groceries that I didn't have to ration my own meals. I would never take food out of the kids mouth, even if that does often mean not eating myself or living off toast and fruit and tea. The past few weeks have been unbearably painful as I not only was diagnosed with an eating disorder, but also set out to conquer it quickly. I was doing so good up until the past few days. I have no money for rent let alone the gas to even go to the grocery store and buy more food. Every morning when I take the kids to school, I watch my gas gauge, like it's a nervous tick and I pray that I make it back to pick them up later and don't run out of gas. Tonight, was just such a night. I am not sure if it's my impending birthday or if I am just feeling extra emotional tonight. But I started to cry in the kitchen, wishing so badly I had a nice house of my own and money in the bank that I would never have to skip a meal for the rest of my life. I have never wanted to tell you this, because I know you would worry and stress out and become way too overprotective constantly asking if I am eating, which would honestly stress me out so much I wouldn't be ABLE to eat. But I also can't tell you or dad this, because you guys are supposed to be retired right now. You aren't supposed to be struggling to pay your own bills at your age. You should be living a good, happy life right now and I know adding my own problems on your plate would become a heavy burden. Take it from me, this is not a burden I would wish anyone to carry. It is a heavy burden with a high price. But very few people in my life even have the knowledge of my eating disorder- and those who do were the ones involved in diagnosing me. I have wanted so badly to tell you, to cry and have you tell me that everything is ok and that I would never have to be hungry again. But I can't. I know that all I would be doing is placing the burden on your shoulders instead and I love you so much Mom. You are my greatest comfort and my best friend. I would never want to do anything to hurt you or stress you out. But tonight, mom I wish so badly that you knew so that you could hold me because I don't care if I am in my 30's. I need my mom tonight to help me through this and I need help carrying this burden. It's too hard to do alone. I am so sorry I haven't told you this yet. I know someday this is something I will share with you. I love you so much mom! You are my everything.
By marion scott4 years ago in Confessions
Letter to my Mother
Hey mom. I never told you this before but I admire you despite our distant relationship. We have never been particularly close, though we are getting closer now as the years pass. But you've always been a figure of my admiration. You've faced so many trials, some of them I'm not sure even I could have weathered with the same calm grace you always seem to exude.
By Tea Rainey4 years ago in Confessions
Infinite fears
I, like everyone else in the world, have fears that keep me sometimes up at nights. Just like this night I guess... I've been told that fear is a part of living and that it is an emotion that has to be felt in a certain moments when I am dealing with situations that could be dangerous or harmful physically or psychologically and that it is a powerful but natural emotion that I have inside of me. We have inside of us.
By Kaoutaea4 years ago in Confessions