Humor
Genius Grant Winner is No Einstein When it Comes to Life
Genius mathematician Ramash Rapandradan winner of the prestigious Fields Medal and most recent MacArthur Fellow “Genius Grant” awardee struggles to complete a wide variety of activities most humans consider basic to everyday life. He has made important contributions to the study of hyperbolic geometry (also called Bolyai–Lobachevskian geometry or Lobachevskian geometry), a non-Euclidean plane geometry which considers the geometry of surfaces with a constant negative Gaussian curvature. In contrast to his proficiency with the highly abstract mathematical geometry he is less capable of functioning with actual geometry especially directions, which he does not know how to follow, and often becomes lost while walking or driving short distances from his apartment in Cambridge. Ramash is also said to be a leading mind in knot theory, the study of mathematical knots. These knots are similar to those from daily life such as ropes and shoelaces, but the ends are joined together so that they cannot be undone. In precise mathematical language, a knot is an embedding of a circle in 3-dimensional Euclidean space, R3. Two mathematical knots are equivalent if one can be transformed into the other via a deformation of R3 upon itself (known as an ambient isotopy). Ironically Ramash cannot tie his own shoelaces and often considers the various problems inherent in ambient isotropy while struggling to untangle his which he sometimes ties together rather than preparing a single knot for each shoe as intended by their design. Ramash will spend the no strings attached $645,000 five year stipend to continue his pioneering work in information theory and signal processing, two important branches of applied mathematics involving the quantification of information, and the analysis, interpretation and manipulation of signals. In contrast to his proficiency with information theory he struggles mightily to process information related to many aspects of his home life including where he put any of his silverware, which items need to go in the refrigerator and which in the freezer, and how to put on pants. He also misunderstands a host of signals sent by other human beings when involved in social interactions and often mistakes a friendly smile from a woman as an invitation to take her to bed, and a handshake from a man as a challenge to a duel. Reached for comment Ramash looked down sadly, shook his head, and mumbled “What’s this all about now? Who are you? Where am I?” and finally, “I forgot to wear my pants again didn’t I?”
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Fiction
On cats and portals
I don’t know much about cats and portals besides the common knowledge: that they can travel through them. I have 2 cats of my own (or they have me to be more precise): Matias and Celine. They are 7 and 6 years old respectively and have been with me since I moved away from my parents house.
By Stephanie Agotborde5 years ago in Fiction
A Sneak Peak 🤪
CHAPTER ONE: SREEFS & RHINOKICKERS From the distant star of Placellner he travelled. Why? Who knows…? But that’s not the point. At least not right now. For three billion galactic years and nine point two mega seconds his ship careened across the somewhat vast universe. Turning left here and right there and looping around deltic spagnoids every so often. But all in all, besides the mishap near the Algernon sector, ahem, which we also won’t get into right now, it was smooth trekking.
By Jeffrey Kippel5 years ago in Fiction
Doggy Dog Days Parody
"Get a dog", they said. "A young puppy will enrich the lives of your life and give your peace", they said. Makes me wonder what kind of dogs they've had. Currently I'm standing in the rain locked out of my apartment watching my new dog tear apart the blinds and knock pillows off my couch.
By The Coffee Guru5 years ago in Fiction
Careful What Name You Choose. Top Story - September 2021.
Shortly after moving into our new neighborhood, my wife found him on Interstate 12 in Louisiana. Unannounced, she delivered him to me, which was clearly against the rules. But our home is like the Roach Motel--if anything checks in, they never check out. The smell was painful, and after addressing the filth, tar, and matted hair, he was still unrecognizable as any particular breed.
By Gerard DiLeo5 years ago in Fiction
MAN MADE 5
SETTING DR. LOWINSKYS OFFICE Scene opens in the computer lab where the back up data is at 99.7 percent in the blurred background Lilith and Nuk run out of the simulation room to call the police. The computer says completed and it says “uploading into brain” the system makes a sound and electrocutes Lows unconscious body. Lows body begins to shake as his melanin skin is turned white, he loses color in his lips turning pale and begins to recede at the edges making him smile. Lows eyes loses color turning them milky white and the skin surrounding them turned black, his hair stands up on straight. Low begins to vibrates really fast until he’s ripped through his clothes leaving his red under armor. Low continues to shake even after the machine stops, he eventually stops then there is a silence in the room until there is a sound from outside the window.
By La’Garyus Bonney5 years ago in Fiction
Not Nappy About This!
“And now the six o’clock news with Magnus Steele.” A man in his late 50s and black suit and tie took a seat with his eyes on the camera. Magnus was known for his wisdom and straight face. He took pride in telling people that he never looked at social media, but he couldn’t resist the odd scroll on his wife’s mobile from time to time. From what he had seen, he had no idea how he was going to keep a straight face.
By Chloe Gilholy5 years ago in Fiction
Jeremy Botts and the Psychic Peanut
Jeremy Botts and the Psychic Peanut A Grown Up Children's Story by: Dennis R. Humphreys Remember the whole story of St. Joan of Arc, the young girl who successfully led the French army against the English aggressors? She never had military training, never led an army but she claimed she took her direction from God. While others around her did not hear the voices, she did.
By Dennis Humphreys5 years ago in Fiction
