satire
Relationship satire can be cathartic; when love hurts too much, just laugh.
Apocalypse 2020
The year is 2020, it started as every year does, with trepidation, hope, promise and in January. January lasted for precisely 73 days, followed by the shortest February on record, lasting just over 10 minutes and 24 seconds. Then along marched March and March laughed in the face of January and February, March laughed at us all. For it was March that said ‘Cancel your plans people, I have another idea!’ We all said ‘No March, how could you?!’ In horrified unison, but March didn’t care. It was the start of the quarantine, a word we only knew from history books and sci-fi films, but soon came to know very well indeed. Quarantine meant queuing outside of the shop, far away from your fellow quarantiners, but close enough to wonder what good the mask was doing around their chin while they had a smoke, or the gloves they were wearing whilst picking their teeth, often muttering ‘I prefer it like this, it would be better if they had this queue system permanently’.
By Bethanie Clark5 years ago in Humans
Corey's cake
Corey arrived home from work at around 2 am, he is the closing manager at a local restaurant, he had not had time at work to really eat anything, so he had brought home a sandwich and a slice of chocolate cake. Yes, he knew he didn’t need the cake, but they made their deserts from scratch at the restaurant and the chocolate cake was by far the best they had, or at least in Corey’s opinion. He got himself set up in front of the tv in the living room, turned on the tv set, made sure it wasn’t too loud and prepared to eat his sandwich. After a bit he thought he would like a drink and went into the kitchen to get a glass of juice, upon making it to the fridge he saw the note held to the fridge door by a magnet “can you start a load of laundry, love you”. After doing so he sat back down to continue eating, “Damnit” he thought to himself as he remembered the drink he never poured.
By Clay Wilkinson5 years ago in Humans
Bad Coffee
‘What’s that?’ the noticeably sleep-deprived taxi driver asks, whilst looking back at me in the smudged rear-view mirror. ‘Oh, this?' — I lift up the opened, transparent cartridge that has thick, red liquid inside — ‘it’s just replacement juice for my vaporiser. I am filling her up.’
By A.R. Lerwill5 years ago in Humans
How the FL DEO did what my kids never could- Broke both my bank & my spirit
I have been meaning to write this story for at least a few months now. Each time I tried, however, I was immediately reminded of my reality and all that it entails. The truth is this: I simply have too many kids to expect elaborate things like completing thoughts or making time for self-care. Couple that with my fear of rejection and you'll quickly arrive at a disheveled and distracted me, unable to string even a few sentences together. Plus it certainly can't help that I am: A.) Superstitious as all hell and am afraid that writing it would somehow sabotage my chances of getting it resolved and B.) Afraid of any comments along the lines of “Be grateful that you got what you got and go back to work lady!"
By Francesca Crespo aka The Industry Momma5 years ago in Humans
The Never Ending War
Tempore Belli|Anos Singulos MMXXI—The height of the crisis has reached its peak with the Left and Right killing millions of lives. Children of both sides praying to be saved from an attack from either side and hoping that we will one day get along. Women and Men of all stripes rushing to mentally sterilize themselves of all connection to opposing views, so that they will not be able to birth a half breed and suffer the barbaric fate. Families crushed, forced to choose a side, and humanity ever entrenched in a downward spiral to the hellfire. All for the sake of progress? The ceaseless bloodshed and constant infighting seems more like a regression to me but what do I know?
By Orhan Arden 5 years ago in Humans
An Irish Mother
My GTO was always parked the same way in the garage every night and I always kept the mileage written down because my job had me traveling a lot, not to mention I had a teenage son at home that would stare at it like it was the hottest girl in school and he was gonna take her out one night and prove to her why she should be with him. One key was with me and the other, well the other was with my hot tempered Irish mother in the bottom of her purse. A place we both thought would be one of the safest in the world for it. For to even contemplate reaching into her most sacred of items and digging to the bottom to find anything when you were not authorized to do so was in its self a way to ensure the wrath of God in the form of a four foot eleven inch tall woman to come down upon you. To actually do such a heinous act was not only stupid, but signing your own death warrant.
By John P. Creekmore5 years ago in Humans
Hot Singles in Your Area
You know how sometimes you’ll meet a couple of sweethearts, and they tell you this heartwarming story of how he was in a hot air balloon, she was stuck in a tree, and that’s how they met? I don’t. Clearly it’s a thing, people used to meet people in real life. But now it’s more like: he swiped right, then she swiped right, then she ghosted him and he stalked her, now they’re happily in love? Excuse me what? Now I’m not saying I was born in the “wrong generation” and frankly, anyone who does say that deserves to be drop-kicked to a different one. What I’m saying is, you are all so weird. Somewhere in Facebook headquarters is everyone’s favorite Mark Zuckerberg, feeding you all your next life decisions from afar. And for some wild reason, that concerns absolutely nobody at all. But this isn’t about Marky Mark and his very own funky bunch, don’t think you’re getting away with being a weird creep. Let’s discuss, my lovely internet swipers with no real confidence or social skills. Quick disclaimer: as a straight male with no experience out of my field, I will be sticking to what I know best (ie. straight people dating apps). But since this article is bound to be dubbed as “homophobic” anyways, go wild buddy.
By Josh Loewen5 years ago in Humans
Something you said
So, recently my friend texted me. It was something about an incident that happened around 4 years ago give or take. What's astonishing is the fact that the thing turned out to be very different from what I expected or at least remembered. Probably because I was unaware of few things on different levels. It's about how your words can mean a lot of things, how they're misinterpreted and used against you and the aftermath, how people put fuel in the fire.
By Marmik Sharma5 years ago in Humans
Mental Meeting
Hey, team! Circle up; it’s almost sequel time, so we need to have a little meeting about where you all are and what I need from you. I’ve got my current A-squad, you’re all doing amazing! I know it’s bizarre to suddenly be thrown from the abstract to the real world; but, you’ve handled it with grace for the most part. B-squad, I know you’re chomping at the bit to get out on the field! I need a little more patience from you. There’s a lot of set-up and exposition to sort out, and we don’t want to fumble on that. If it comes across as clunky, we’ll lose the audience we’ve started to build! You don’t want to perform to rows of empty seats, do you?
By Michaela Calabrese5 years ago in Humans
Brace For it
I write this sitting on fruit crate outside an abandoned K mart, Brandon, my 13 year old step brother is creating a pile of drool. The spit is slowly sliding out of his mouth to hit a pool that is way too close to my shoes for comfort. This kid has not been able to contain his spit ever since he was a loud crying toddler. I would be passed out on the beaten down mattress beside me, but every time I put my head down my braces stab me in the cheek. If you really want to know about how my awkward teenage life became well, this, then let me go on. It all started with a kiss, or lack there of.
By Rheanna Philipp5 years ago in Humans
